Yes. She will get into that and other questions answered.
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How to (not) raise a BSparl by lunatic internet freak friends.
Just before the birth of our first child friends and family passed around a small blank notebook. In it they recorded parenting advice, mostly of the possibly practical but certainly silly nature. It was fun. I particularly liked the stuff about a parent’s responsibility to embarrass their teenager.
With the highly anticipated début of Miss BSparl, I suggest that her mom’s online friends offer our brilliance on the topic of child rearing. Having been raised ourselves, I submit we all have more than sufficient expertise. Some of us may even have experience raising kids who successfully moved out of our houses. With our wisdom in hand Kerri and Chris need only do the polar opposite of our suggestions to be assured total parenting success.
Your caring comments are welcome. We have even created categories to post under. Want to suggest a new category? There is even one for that at the bottom. Humor and joy are welcome. Jump on in.
With the highly anticipated début of Miss BSparl, I suggest that her mom’s online friends offer our brilliance on the topic of child rearing. Having been raised ourselves, I submit we all have more than sufficient expertise. Some of us may even have experience raising kids who successfully moved out of our houses. With our wisdom in hand Kerri and Chris need only do the polar opposite of our suggestions to be assured total parenting success.
Your caring comments are welcome. We have even created categories to post under. Want to suggest a new category? There is even one for that at the bottom. Humor and joy are welcome. Jump on in.
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The bottom of your Christmas tree will either be bare by your choice, or by BSparl. My suggestion is to put ornaments that are baby friendly at the bottom so when she does pull them off you need not worry.
ReplyDeleteThis is also true of the coffee table.
ReplyDeleteThen the side table.
The counter is safe for a little while.
Stuff move up bookshelves. So can kids interestingly so secure them to the wall- Kids or the bookshelves either one. You don't need to do both.
toddlers actually "toddle" for about a day. Then they become "runners".
ReplyDeleteOn the positive side, they usually are running to you, at full speed, to give hugs. toddlers love to give hugs and kisses. It's my favorite age.
Write all the great stuff they say down.
ReplyDeleteThere is a time when they will, quite literally imitate EVERYTHING that you do. This works really well when doing things like brushing your teeth or going potty...not so well when you crack your head and say a bad word. They also have supersonic hearing so swearing under your breath actually makes them notice it more. AND they have amazingly long memories for that sort of thing.
ReplyDeleteHave a projectile vomiting response ready - it will only happen at restaurants...in front of other people trying to eat!
ReplyDeleteToddlers are gross. They drool, lick random objects, pick their noses and either offer it to you as a gift or eat it, kiss strangers full on the lips..with tongue.
ReplyDeleteLaugh. Pretend it's cute. Tuck that toddler under your arm and make a quick exit.
“Have a projectile vomiting response ready...”
ReplyDeleteThis should not be taken lightly. Projectile Vomit is like the Spanish Inquisition – nobody expects it. PV can and will soak clean though any and all garments. Due to the velocity of PV (some studies suggest that it travels at supersonic speeds) this saturation of parental garments and under garments is virtually instantaneous.
Prepare a PVRK (Projectile Vomit Response Kit)
Redundancy maybe a useful feature in your PVRK. Current science can not explain the physics involved but there are far too numerous documented cases of MPVS (Multiple Projectile Vomit Syndrome) to not be prepared for the possibility. It remains a mystery how, “All that came out of such a small baby.”
Clothes need to be permanently attached. With tape or glue, if possible. Trust me on this one - she will try to take them off 24/7, generally in the least appropriate place to be naked :)
ReplyDeleteDon't worry about potty-training or weaning. She'll do that for sure by the time she goes to school anyhow. Peer-pressure takes care of it. Blankies and other treasures are a different story, however.
ReplyDeleteProjectile poo. Innevitably the father encounters this first. Mother assmes (based on years of experience of said father) that the poo-stained carpet is because the father "is doing it wrong".
ReplyDeleteTwo weeks later there will be less smugness when baby projectile poos when mother is on changing duty.
If you have carpet where your changing table is go out and by one of those thick plastic carpet covers designed for use with a desk chair and computer table.
After feeding Weetabix, wash bowl, bib, table, child immediately. If left unattended said Weetabix will set like concrete and require jack hammer to remove.
ReplyDelete